Let's stop doing that
Navigating obstacles to self-acceptance during transition
Hey, you!
Yes, you. The woman who’s moving through a life transition. The one who hopes for greater self-acceptance. I get it. You want to be your best self. You want to feel confident and compassionate. You want to know yourself better so you can make the most of this new chapter in your life.
But it’s not always easy, is it? I know because I’ve been there. When I was working in an oppressive environment that didn’t treat me – or their clients – with compassion, I was gutted and heartbroken. Not only were my feelings and self-esteem hurt, but the absence of self-compassion magnified my pain. It took a concerted effort to get back on track and be compassionate with myself.
Many women experience periods where they lack self-compassion, which is called “self-coldness.” Not surprisingly, it is inimical to self-acceptance. When we’re harshly critical of ourselves, it becomes harder to feel good about who we are. This can even lead to psychological symptoms like depression and anxiety.
If you want to reset and boost self-acceptance, consider adding this one absolutely essential step to your practice: Stop self-coldness.
What is Self-Coldness?
Self-coldness is a term used to describe the opposite of self-compassion. What does that look like? Many women compare themselves negatively against others – both real people they know personally as well as celebrities they admire from afar – which makes them feel, well, bleh or worse. Much worse. When our self-care is sacrificed on the altar of perfectionism and doing everything “right,” we end up feeling exhausted and empty.
All of these factors can get in the way of self-acceptance. When we’re harshly critical of ourselves, it becomes harder to feel good about who we are, and this can even lead to negative psychological symptoms like depression and anxiety.
To be sure, self-acceptance isn’t always easy, peasy lemon squeezy. It takes work! If you want to reset and boost your self-acceptance, consider adding this one critical step to your practice: stop self-coldness.
Helpful tips for overcoming self-coldness
Now that we know what self-coldness is and what it means for the practice of self-acceptance, consider how you will address it going forward. Making a plan can be helpful because during times of self-coldness, we don’t necessarily recognize the negative impact. Of course, that makes it harder for us to adjust our thinking and behavior.
My #1 tool against self-coldness
One of my favorite tools for dealing with self-coldness is keeping a self-compassion journal. In this journal, you can write down your thoughts and feelings about yourself, as well as positive statements about who you are.
Your self-compassion journal is a tool you can keep and can be especially useful when viewed as a living document. As you add to it and use a self-compassion journal over time, it naturally evolves along with you.
Explore these other tools for overcoming self coldness:
- Recognize when you’re feeling self-critical and address the feelings through journaling or self-awareness exercises.
- Explore new perspectives of who you are with mindful meditation.
- Take care of your needs so that you have the energy to be compassionate with yourself.
- Keep in mind that there is no wrong way to practice self-acceptance and you are free to refine or change your approach at any time.
Concluding remarks on self-coldness & self-acceptance
Self-acceptance is one of the most important steps we can take on our journey to self-love and fulfillment. It’s not always easy to overcome feelings of self-coldness, but with practice, we can learn to be more compassionate and accepting of ourselves.
There are many ways to explore new perspectives of who we are and to care for our needs so that we have the energy to be kinder with ourselves. By recognizing when self-coldness is getting in the way of our self-acceptance, and taking steps to address it, we can make great progress on our journeys.
There are many ways to overcome self-coldness, and the first step is being mindful of how it’s impacting your life. You can also explore new ways to see yourself, which can make it easier to be kinder with yourself. Finally, you can take care of your needs so that you have the energy to be compassionate with yourself.
